Sorry
by Weskette
Summary: Kallian hates humans. But she can't hate Leliana.


**I've had this written for a while, and finally decided to post it. My city elf only recently actually initiated any romance with Leliana, after turning down Alistair (which made me sad, because I tend to romance him).**

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**Sorry**

Kallian burned with hatred. All day long it itched under her skin and poisoned her words. At night it rose up like bile and tore at her eyes. Tendrils of it had wrapped around her heart and tightened day by day.

Her hatred lay at the feet of humans but some was cast towards the dwarfs and the kossith. They had beaten her down time and time again. Nelaros being slain, the violation of Shianni, and her mother's death all paraded in her head. More than that, what the other races had done to the elves was unforgivable.

Her people, the elves, were the only ones she trusted.

With hatred and anger twitching through her veins, she slipped out of camp. She only walked just out of hearing range of those at her camp, her companions, though she held none in high esteem but one, one she did not like to admit.

She stopped in the smallest of clearings. Her eyes fell on a dying or dead tree, limp leaves and peeling bark while those around were healthy and green. Her weapons, two long daggers with edges sharper than a conman's wit, appeared in her hands. They cut through the peeling, rotting wood as she launched herself at it. Her teeth were clenched and her arms ached from the onslaught they received every day. A fresh scar decorated her collarbone from the day's battles that Wynne had only just been able to heal. Similar wounds had made their marks on the flesh of her stomach and back.

She watched the tree turn into a flayed mess of soft wood before lunging forward and sinking the blades she held into the tree's depth. Her breathing was heavy from her labour as she released and stepped back.

She could barely see from the ache in her eyes as the hatred tore at her. She sat hard and tried to breath. Her fingers played on the boots she wore, those that her mother had made her. She tried to focus on the simple gold ring she wore but all she could see was the face of the one who forged it, her dead fiancee. Anger rose up in her throat, surged through her veins, and all but claimed her with its false passion. She refused to cry over those lost. Anger was better. Anger pushed her forward. She could burn it like fuel.

"Kallian?" came a voice. It belonged to a woman who's words were softened by an Orleisian accent.

For half a second, the anger dulled. The falter was noticeable when Kallian answered with a soft "what?"

"I... I wanted to make sure you were okay," Leliana spoke. Her eyes were on her leader who looked up at her with eyes focused far away.

"I can handle myself," the elf answered shakily. She swore in her head, wondering why the statement held no anger like she wanted. It was this damned bard's fault she was in such a state.

"I know as much," came the reply. Her voice was steady but thick with concern. "It was not your physical well-being that concerns me most at the moment."

Some foreign feeling stabbed at Kallian's stomach, one she had no familiarity with. It frightened her. "I'm fine!" she spat. There it was. There was the anger. She tried to get a hold on it, harness it for use in whatever dialogue might ensue.

Leliana didn't seem troubled by the words. Instead of leaving as the warden had intended her to, she sat a few feet to the side of her leader. She gave Kallian a look that twisted the elf's insides even more. She hated that, whatever was happening every time her eyes met that of the bard's.

"Why do you care, any how?"

Leliana let out a soft sigh. "I care very deeply for you. I want you safe."

"No elf is safe near a human," the warden growled. "Just ask my mother."

The human frowned. "Is that how she died?" she inquired softly, eyes falling to her lap.

Rage and sorrow welled up in Kallian. "My mother, my fiancée, and countless other elves who simply wanted a happy life!" The sentence ripped out of her mouth and left marks where it had passed.

"I'm sorry," came a slow, soft whisper. Leliana eyes were fixed on that of her elven leader's.

Kallian's anger cracked. She did her best to hold it together. She needed it if she were to survive this encounter. She didn't plan on falling to pieces when this... This human was near. She never wanted to fall apart as she had the first night.

But as soon as she tried to speak, her fury broke. It shattered and cut her as she tried to salvage what was left. It dug into her and buried itself, burning as it settled. Her voice refused to leave her throat.

She didn't notice she was crying until a gentle touch from a cool hand took away some of the tears. They were flowing free from her eyes and blurring her vision. She let out a sob. Leliana moved closer in order to properly comfort the woman. Kallian swore at her and tried to push her away. The bard didn't stop until she had her elf in her arms, sobbing softly. Kallian's mouth ran with petty insults and threats she had no intention of following through with as she tried and failed to remove herself from Leliana's arms. Every time a tear threatened to find its way down her cheek, it was swept away by a caring touch. She continued to fight to free herself, though her movements were weak and ineffective.

But then the sweetest of lips touched hers for the shortest of moments.

All at once, Kallian fell limp against her protector. Sobs tore from her throat and she attempted to curl in on herself only to be thwarted by Leliana's want to hold her. The bard's hands travelled through her warden's hair, over her back. They caressed her cheeks and steadied her.

It was a long while before Kallian stopped sobbing. Once she had quieted some, Leliana pressed a kiss to her cheek, then one to her lips. This time Kallian responded, though not of her own will. She found her mouth pressed to that of the bard's and found she enjoyed it. She pulled away, frightened.

"I don't... I can't..." she could barely find words, let alone an excuse to stop this. Finally, she whispered, "Nelaros..."

Leliana frowned and let herself touch the elf's cheek. "I'm sorry they took him from you."

Kallian found herself fighting tears again. Why did she keep apologizing? Didn't she know that humans rarely did that? Humans excused all their actions because they thought they were better.

"I'm sorry you've had so much taken from you by my race..." Leliana whispered. "No one deserves such a life." Her lips were only inches from Kallian's and Kallian ached to lean in closer.

She stopped herself.

Leliana could see the pain and indecision in the elf's eyes. Without thinking, Leliana laid a hand on the woman's cheek and brushed her thumb over the pale pink lips there. Kallian's lips parted and she took in a sharp breath. A tear slipped from her eye. It was immediately forgotten as Kallian pressed forward, her lips meeting that of the bard's. Her arms wrapped around the woman, not wanting to separate in fear of the emotions that were rising over her.

Leliana returned the kiss in equal measure, as surprised as she was. Her hand remained on the elf's cheek, keeping her close. Her lips parted and the kiss deepened.

What Kallian felt as her body was close to that of another woman's overrode the anguish and confusion she held, at least for that moment. And the anger was gone, at least for that moment. It had dissipated with Leliana's words and silken caresses.

The kiss ended and Kallian curled against her human, almost immediately falling asleep. Leliana waited sometime before moving. With a small amount of effort, she lifted the sleeping warden and carried her back to camp. After nodding to Morrigan and Zevron on watch, she headed to Kallian's tent. She set Kallian down on her bedroll and snuggled in beside her. She'd be damned if she'd let the elf wake alone.

When Kallian woke in the morning, the first thing she was aware of was a body beside her. Groggy, her mind barely registered it. It took a few more minutes and the blurry image of a chantry amulet lying on the flawless flesh above Leliana's bosom to make her remember what had happened.

Her eyes shot open at that. She sat up slowly and untangled herself from the bard. She then fled from the tent. It was early morning and quiet. The fire was being rekindled by Alistair. He noticed her and captured her attention. "Oh, uh... Should we start packing up to head on?" He braced himself for a stinging comment or similar, used to the anger she carried and ill disposition she harbored.

She shook her head no. "No, no... Not until..." Until what? she thought to herself. "We... We'll be here a while longer." Her voice was soft and weak and held no attitude towards him.

He was thoroughly surprised. "Okay, uh... I'll start on breakfast. Tell you when it's done?"

She nodded and managed to slip out a thank you. He stared as she walked away. He'd never heard her thank anyone but an elf. What had happened to her?

Kallian found a tree stump to sit on at the edge of camp. She faced away from the fire. Her mabari, Taint, approached and rested its head on her legs. She let the smallest of smiles show. "Hey, boy. What's up?" He let out a small woof and nuzzled against her, sensing the change. She took a deep breath and scratched the beast behind its ears. "Go bug Alistair for food," she ordered. In the last moment, she added in a hasty breath, "And be nice." He dog barked affirmatively and headed towards the mentioned man.

Kallian sat alone, shivering a bit in the cool early morning. Sadness sat in the pit of her stomach and made her nauseous. She pulled her legs up onto the stump and wrapped her arms around them. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel Leliana's arms on her, and if she tried hard enough, she could still taste the woman on her lips.

Her brain was in turmoil. She hated humans, didn't she? She wasn't sure anymore. Leliana had done something to her the night before. But what? Had her kiss really been that shocking? No. It was something else.

"I'm sorry."

Kallian could practically hear the bard's voice when she remembered the words. That apology had triggered it. Even now it caused an ache in her chest and a pain in her head.

A hand touched Kallian's shoulder and she jumped. She looked back and up to see Leliana behind her. She looked away and curled further in on herself, scowling at the ground.

"Good morning," came the smooth accented voice. Kallian said nothing, but continued to glare at the ground. Leliana noticed. "Have I made you angry?" Kallian shook her head. "What's wrong? I'm sorry if I-"

"That's what's wrong," the elf blurted out. "Why are you sorry? Why should you be? You didn't ruin my life. Didn't ruin me."

"You deserve an apology."

"Not from you," the warden growled. "Never from you." She clasped a hand over the one on her shoulder. "You're too good to have ruined me, I don't care your past. I deserve an apology from the Maker, not from the beautiful woman who somehow cares for me, despite how horrible I am."

A kiss was pressed to her cheek. "You are not horrible. You are hurt. There's a difference." The words were murmured into her ear. She turned and was face to face with her human. Their breaths mingled and their eyes met. Leliana tried her luck and leaned forward until they met their lips together. Kallian's breath was suddenly gone but she let her mind take over. It wasn't muscle memory, but some new adventure for her. Leliana tasted sweet like honey and the pleasant scent of Andraste's Grace lingered in the air around her.

They parted, but their eyes remained closed, their foreheads pressed together.

Leliana whispered to her. "I'm here for you, dearest. I'm here."

With those words, Kallian felt her sorrow truly begin to dissolve.


End file.
